What do we mean when we say we want to simplify the holidays? What complicates them, and what can we do about it?
How do you simplify the holidays? What are some elements that most holidays have in common that we can potentially simplify? For example:
The good news is that all of these things can be managed and simplified so that you and your loved ones can find the holidays as enjoyable as they are meant to be.
What Complicates Our Holidays?
The last thing we need when we are planning and shopping and cooking and wrapping for a big traditional holiday is to be deluged by seemingly “perfect” images that can make us feel inadequate in comparison.
Getting stressed about perfection is not fun for anyone.
Instead of trying for perfection, why not try for authenticity? Ask yourself a few questions:
- What do the holidays mean to you?
- What fears do you have about creating this gathering? (The dinner burning? Awkward comments? Disappointing your kids or others?)
- What is the one tradition that must be a part of this holiday?
- What do you want to happen during this celebration? How do you want to make your guests feel?
- Who do you want to make the holidays special for? Instagram strangers? The neighbors? The first graders in your child’s class? Or your own people? 🙂
- What can you include in your planning and prep to help yourself let go of the expectation to be perfect? (Music? Meditation? A secret chocolate stash?)
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” — Anne Lamott
It’s easy to fall under the spell of creating a “perfect” holiday. But who created all those expectations? What story are we telling ourselves in our heads about what we “must” do? We can choose to see more clearly what is and is not necessary to a joyful celebration.
“Often what’s going on underneath perfectionism is a desire for control,” says Kristine Oller, a Los Angeles–based coach who specializes in change strategy for creative professionals. “With the holidays, this can manifest as a desire to recapture something you had at some point in the past. But the thing about memories is they’re our own little edited movies. When we try to make an experience turn out a certain way, we set ourselves up for disappointment.”
https://kristineoller.com/
Once you let yourself experience a more simplified holiday, you will actually know: Was anyone really disappointed? Did the sky fall when you had simpler party food or dinner menus? Were you more relaxed and more fun to be around? What did you miss and want to bring back? What other things can you do without next time?
What to Do About Gifts and Shopping
- Set a goal: more fun, less stuff.
- Reduce the gift exchanges you participate in.
- If you make homemade gifts for friends or neighbors, start really, really early. If you didn’t start early, order small tokens of appreciation online and let it go.
- Consider quality vs. quantity when shopping for gifts.
- Keep a running list all year long– on paper or on an app on your phone. Add to it every time someone you give gifts to mentions something they saw and liked, a thing they want, an interest or hobby they are into, a place they want to go… then use the list for ideas when it’s time to give a gift.
- Instead of giving gifts to extended family members, decide together to donate to a charity. Kids will often give up their own gifts if they are given the chance to make a difference in someone else’s life.
- Or give experience gifts. A National Parks pass. Tickets to an event. A promise of a day trip or weekend away.
- Set limits. Pay attention to creating joy rather than feeding into competitive materialism.
Traditions: Choose Wisely
You might feel like if you cut out any of the traditions that came from your childhood, your spouse’s childhood, plus the ones you’ve picked up along the way (elf on the shelf anyone?) you will ruin the magic for your children. But what is your ultimate holiday goal?
Try asking your family, kids especially, what they liked the best about the holiday in question from last year. They might surprise you. Ask them if they would like to establish some simpler traditions that have meaning to them, and to the family you have right now, not just the ones you grew up in.
In my family at Christmas, we eat the same simple things, and open piles of presents and the kids all run wild and get to spend time with their cousins. We play a couple of crazy games.
We do have specific traditions, but they only have meaning to our family. I’ve tried a few new things, but then dropped them to return to the basics. One 7 year old told me last year that this was his favorite party of the whole year. That’s the feeling I always want to create. So now I’m very careful about adding unnecessary activities, things I saw on Pinterest, or anything else that might pack too much “overwhelm” into our gatherings so that joy doesn’t get lost in all those to-do lists.
Three Secrets for Simplified Decorating
Why do we decorate for parties and holidays? It’s fun! It makes things more festive. It sets the mood. But I hope you aren’t here for a list of ways to decorate “more”. I want to help you decorate less!
We don’t need any help to go all out, right? We can just keep buying things, and arranging things, and pinning things and styling things, until we don’t have an inch of space left to decorate.
The problem comes when we realize that we spent too much, or no one even noticed those knickknacks in the corner. Or we overlooked giving attention to a loved one because EXTRA. Or we’re exhausted, short on time, or feeling competitive with someone on social media.
There are a few secrets to simple yet magical decor. First- is sparkle. Strings of lights, candles (real or battery powered), glass serving dishes from the thrift store, anything that makes or reflects light will give us that enchanted feeling we want with minimal effort and cost.
Second, banners. There’s nothing like a seasonal banner to bring the theme, add some color, and just make everything feel festive.
Next, flowers, or something from nature. What could be more simple yet classic? Fresh flowers are irresistible for their charm and aroma. Any bouquet from the grocery store or Costco will work magic. If you have a garden, consider what you could use. Pumpkins? Apples? Pinecones? Evergreen branches? Even a branch in a vase with some fairy lights would be fantastic.
These three things are always the base layer of my holiday decorating. They really do work. They can stand alone, but your seasonal specialities and traditional items can always be added. They go with everything and every style.
Bonus: Give yourself permission to get rid of any holiday decorations that you don’t love, or are tired of and don’t really enjoy anymore. Declutter your holiday stuff.
Plan Ahead: Holiday Meals
Holiday meals are all about planning. Find your signature party style, and use it as a template for all your events. Then make a plan and work your steps.
• Choose your menu.
• Make a shopping list.
• Choose what time you want to eat.
• Decide which things can be made earlier in the week, or the day before.
• List the things that need to be made on the day of.
• Work backward from your desired dinner time and write down when
each item needs to be started.
• Decide what others can help with. Make assignments.
• Get out your serving dishes and items, plan one for each food item,
and fill in where needed.
• Every big dinner always has some glitches and even fails. Don’t stress!
Simplifying Parties: Less is More
Have you ever been to a party where the decor and food was perfect and Instagram worthy, but the host was so stressed about creating all that perfection that she didn’t seem to be enjoying her own celebration? Or where the guests were made to feel like props in someone’s fantasy event?
Let’s not be that person. Holiday party anxiety is a real thing. Focus on how to make things comfortable for your guests rather than trying to impress them. They’ll love you for it!
Calm your own calendar. Talk with your family about which events they really want to go to, and let the rest go. Create time and space for your family to be fully present and able to just spend time together.
“If you don’t have time to do what matters, stop doing things that don’t.” — Courtney Carver